The battle within

This morning I was reading "experiencing the presence of God" by A. W. Tozer and it made me think about the battle we have within ourselves. In the book at one point he talks about how all of creation makes up what we know as the universe and how "uni" comes from the word one. Meaning everything was created in unity and interdependent and related. And created to be under a head, a ruler, God, on His throne.

But man revolted against this head and decided he wanted to rule himself, so Adam and Eve ate the fruit, bringing this tension into the world and placing in each of us the desire to rule ourselves and be in control. Then years later we see the nation of Israel do this again, on a larger scale, when they decide they don't want to be ruled by God, but want a king like other nations. 

Many times we read either of these stories and think, "silly Adam and Eve, or silly Israel, don't you realize you could have had a better life, ruled by God." But we make the same decision they did so many times. Ours only looks slightly different. This inward battle for control is within each of us. Each day we must choose whether we are going to live with God on the throne or ourselves. Who is on the throne of my life today?

I think as I continue to learn how to live as a citizen of the Kingdom of God, this is a new lesson for me to really focus on. In the Kingdom, God is on His throne. He is most glorified when we live that out. We must continue to have a Kingdom focus and a big part of that is having God on the throne, and letting Him be the decider of our lives, letting go of the control we want so badly. But things are so much better when we do this. Life is less stressful, more joyful, and even more exciting when we let it be as it should, with Him on His throne.

I think a part of why this is really important for me right now is because of fundraising. I want to freak out about where our support is going to come from and how in the world we will get to Guatemala around the time we thought God was telling us to go. But I need to let God be on the throne. He will get us there in HIS perfect timing. He won't be a minute late. We don't need to worry about it. We need to faithfully work to ask and make our need known, but not feel responsible to make it happen or make others give. He will give what we need when we need it as we live in His Kingdom.

Our goal was to be fully supported by the end of September. Thats one week from today. We still need $705 in monthly donors but He can make it happen and we believe that He will.


Ephesians 3:20-21
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Total dependence on God

Lately I have not been fully depending on God for my every need. Instead of looking to my Provider, I have been working hard to try meeting my own needs, and looking to my husband for them as well. I think that here in America, its very easy to be in this place and be self dependent. But that is such a miserable place to be.

Its stressful, tiring, and a joy-stealer. So why do I continue to try and do things in my own efforts?

But God has been showing me that we need to come to a place where we must trust Him completely for our needs. To a place where either God has to come through or we fail and fall on our faces.

This doesn't mean that we don't work hard. He calls us to do the work. But we also must realize that it in our efforts alone we cannot accomplish what He has called us to do. Only God working in and through us will things come to pass.

God has really been putting me in that place lately, in many ways. First off, Shaun and I need around $2,000 in monthly supporters by September. This seems absolutely impossible to me and really I have no idea where that money will come from. But thats the beautiful part. God does know. And we are trusting and depending on Him to provide. Either He will provide, or we can't/won't go. Its a scary place to be, but knowing that we are doing His work and that He is the God over impossible situations, I know that we can trust and depend on Him.

As well, Shaun feels led to be fully immersed in ministry life right now, which means we are living on the little support we have and what i get from my part time job. But God is good, and we have what we need. Sometimes its scary and makes me wonder if we will have enough to pay our bills each month, but God is so faithful and He always gives us what we need. Shaun is being faithful to what God is calling him to in this time, and God rewards that. He won't let us fall.

Yesterday at church, we talked about Mark 7:24-30, which is about the mom who goes to Jesus and He basically calls her a dog. This passage has always kinda confused me a little, but yesterday I really got a new perspective on it. The woman recognized that she was undeserving of Jesus' healing her daughter, but she also recognized that Jesus was still able. We too must humbly come to Jesus with our needs and have faith that He will provide.

And sometimes maybe we will fail. Maybe we will fall on our faces. But this should always just bring us back to Jesus' feet. It doesn't matter what we lose, or what hardships come, JESUS LOVES US! His grace is sufficient, His sacrifice covers ALL.

 I have been challenged lately to totally depend on God and I just wanted to share that.

community

Lately I think I have been learning a lot about community. This week, as I talked with a couple of friends, I was reminded of how much we really need it and its importance.  Many times I think I feel as if I have to do life on my own, solve my own problems, face my battles alone, even be motivated alone. But then I fail, get discouraged, and sometimes feel miserable, not wanting others to see all of this. I don't think its that I don't want others to be a part of my life. But I think many times we want to try and be strong on our own and think it will cause us to grow. I don't even think we realize how much we really do this. We may even take it all to Christ and ask Him to help or be our strength(which is most important), but we don't think about the fact that He has placed others in our lives to walk through life together.

But we were made for community.  God calls us to bear one another's burdens(Gal. 6:2). To encourage each other daily(Heb. 3:13)

This doesn't mean we look to them first for all our needs. First we take them to Christ and know that He is all we need. But He has also placed people in our lives for a purpose.

We don't have to do life alone. We were made for relationships and for community.  I think when we recognize this and live in it, we can truly glorify God through our relationships with other and with our lives. As we focus on the needs of those around us, our problems don't feel so hard, so bad.

Encourage someone today. Ask how they are doing. Ask what God is teaching them. Be a community with those God has placed in your life.

"But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called 'Today,' so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin."
                     - Hebrews 3:13

"...that their hearts may be encouraged, having been knit together in love, and attaining to all the wealth that comes from the full assurance of understanding, resulting in a true knowledge of God's mystery, that is, Christ Himself, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge."
                     - Colossians 2:2-3

Kingdom Focus

Since the beginning of being at the SOM, God really began to open my eyes to His Kingdom and the power that being focused on it can have in our world and our lives. Even since being home, God has continually been bringing this before my eyes and reminding me and teaching me more about it.

The Kingdom of God is something that Jesus talked about a lot. And we see through His teaching that it is in the hearts of His followers, not just a physical kingdom. When we are focused on the Kingdom, it affects everything that we do, and all that we are. It affects our attitudes, our actions, and our thoughts.  Jesus taught us that there is so much to His Kingdom and he welcomes us to be a part of it.

"As much as you can believe for, you can have." This is one thing that has stuck with me from SOM. Our teacher was talking about the Kingdom, and this has continually challenged me. Why is it that many times we are living outside of the Kingdom? Are we really believing we can live in the Kingdom? "What you can see, you can enter; what you can't see, you can't enter." Are we looking for the Kingdom in our daily lives? Do we really believe we can have the promises of Jesus that come with living in the Kingdom of God? "What you see determines how you will live." In 2 Kings 6, Elisha had confidence in the time of trouble because he could see how the Lord was protecting them, but his servant feared because he could not see until the Lord opened his eyes to it.

My prayer is that God would open my eyes to His Kingdom, and what he is doing in my life and those around me. I want eyes to see what the Lord is doing, that I may be confident and not fear or worry.

When we live in the Kingdom, we are able to recognize that our identity is in Christ. That he loves us, with an eternal love, that does not depend on us in any way, and He will care for our needs. We are secure in Him, and that can lead us to take our focus off of ourselves, and meet the needs of others.

This is my desire for my life, that I can live a life that is not about myself, but God, and His Kingdom. And out of that, serve and love the people God puts in my life. Many times I forget or am not thinking, but I pray that I could be more aware and mindful of this, and live it out.

God's provision

Sometimes money can make me really anxious. I know all the verses about how God is our provider and how he loves and takes care of us but still many times I worry.

Recently Shaun and I have been needed a second car. Living 20 minutes apart makes it very difficult to share, especially when our schedules aren't the same. Last month in my newsletter to supporters I asked for prayer for that. Then that Sunday at church(it was in the bulletin prayer requests) someone said they might know of a car from a family in the church. The Thomas family had 6 days until they would be leaving for Kenya to do missions work and needed to sell their truck. We especially wanted a truck because my dad wants one and said he will buy it from us when we leave next year.
Now neither of us had much money but I had some in my savings so we had set a budget for what we could pay accordingly(which wasn't very much). But they ended up selling it to us for half of what we had thought, which was definitely less than what it was worth.
Now we are learning to drive standard which is also a blessing because we will need that in guatemala.
Then the next week Shaun found a job which we have been praying for as well.

This may not be the most interesting post to read but God has really been blessing us this month a lot and I wanted to share it and give Him praise for it. I am so thankful for His provision and the ways he works in our lives.

Jesus is in the boat

Mark 4:35-41

I love this story. After a full day of teaching many parables and explaining many things to the disciples, Jesus has them go out on the boat. I'm sure he knew there was a storm coming and that it would be a rough journey, but he still had them cross. I love that he was sleeping in the boat while they were all freaking out about the storm. I love that he just tells the storm to stop and it of course listens.

I think a lot of times I am like the disciples. Even though Jesus is with me in this journey, when it gets hard I just want to ask him if he cares what happens. But He has the power to take the storms away. He isn't worried about the trivial things I worry about or fear. Sometimes I just really need to remember that Jesus is in the boat. He is in control. He knows what is coming and what will take place. I do not need to fear. He can calm any storm. He can quiet the waters. He can bring stillness and make things calm. I just need to have the faith that He will do so. 

Drink deeply

Being home has been quite a difficult adjustment for me this time. It is crazy how much things can change in just 5 short months. From living with my dad again(after being on my own for most of the last 4 years) to fitting into people's lives here, it has been hard to find my place. Coming home and trying to find where I fit in the community of Off the Wall has been a struggle as some of them are my closest friends, but others I am just meeting. Not having a "normal" job and trying to set my own schedule has been a difficult adjustment here as well. And then there are all the decisions that come with being engaged.
All these things have been overwhelming me for the past month and have been harder than I thought. I am finding myself extra emotional and sometimes just not sure what to do with myself. I have plenty of things to do as I plan my wedding and read the long list of books I received at SOM, as well as the many other things of life, yet I am just not sure what to do with myself at times.
I have been feeling so dead in my walk with God and finding it hard to focus on Him, even when I spend time with Him. But this morning a peace came as I was spending time with my Savior. That this time right now is a break from the craziness of life, a time to refocus. The words "drink deeply" came to mind this morning. So this time that has been hard and far from normal, is not a time for boredom or laziness, but rather a time where I can once more learn more of how to grow intimately with my Lord. A time to pray and read and study and worship the One who gives me life and gives me so many opportunities for great(and sometimes small) things. And I want nothing more than for my life to point to Him and bring Him glory. I greatly need this time of drinking deeply of His love and renewing my mind and life in Him.