its hard to believe this is my last few days, my last weekend, here in guatemala. my time here has gone so fast and i can't even believe all that has happened in my life these past months. the other day someone asked me to share with them my experience when i get home and as i began to think about what to share, i was slightly overwhelmed. how do you summarize 6 months of this? i'm sure i will figure it out. as for now, please be praying for my last few days here to be enjoyed and that i could have good final memories. also be praying for what God has for me next.

my past week has consisted of some interesting things. So a little over a week ago, volcano Pacaya decided to erupt and rain down ash all over the city. I don't even know where to begin to describe what has happened this past week. Ok so that happened on a thursday and it was really cool at first and fun to play in, but kinda hurt if you stood out in it while it was raining down. but it was pretty small. the largest we could find was like maybe the size of a marble and those weren't very common. It kinda reminded us all of black snow. we played in it a little and everything. wrote our names in the few inches of ash on the ground and just messed around. So then the next day, friday, we realized it really wasnt that cool. Yes it was like snow, but the wonderful thing about snow is that it melts and goes away on its own. so now you may be asking, well then how in the world do you get rid of inches of ash that are covering EVERYTHING!? well that is a very good question and yes it did cover absolutely everything, including roofs and well i dont know anything you can think of. well you must then use shovels and brooms and clean it. but what really stinks is that it is currently rainy season. so friday it rained off and on making the ash really heavy and difficult to move. So as some of you may know, saturday decided to add to the interestingness of life here in guatemala. Agatha, a tropical storm, decided to come and it rained the entire day. poured actually. it never stopped raining the entire day. So this caused much flooding and mudslides here in guatemala and many roads were closed and many homes were destroyed. but we werent affected by it really minus the fact that we got tons and tons of rain.

so then all schools were closed for the week because of all that had happened, which was good because we had quite a bit to clean. So monday started the cleaning process and we shoveled and swept ash all week. we would load it into our 2 trucks and our wheel barrels and unload them in this one area in a pile. it was quite difficult since the ash was still pretty wet, which made it very heavy. So yeah we worked super hard, and i dont think i've every done so much physical labor so much in one week, quite intense. we got on roofs to clean, which was hard. thursday i had to help clean the gutters of one of the roofs, which was super scary since we had to sit on the very edge of the roof to do that, but it had to be done. so that was my super interesting week of cleaning. I still don't feel like the ash is ever going to go away. its everywhere still. but it definitely looks a lot more normal than usual.

Life is finally getting to be normal again. :)

only 2 weeks left here. :(

The last month has been really good. I can't believe that it has been so long that I have been here. I feel like my spanish is at a pretty good place now. there are still many times that i don't understand but i definitely know a lot more than I used to know.

The picture is of Kevin and Julia. They are two of our new kids that we received last month. Julia(5) came from an abusive home. Kevin(4) and his little brother, Melvin(2), came from a very poor situation. Please pray for them as they adjust to living here at the Home.

I think one of my favorite things to do is to watch the super little kids. They are so precious and can distract me from anything anytime. Sometimes not good but kinda funny.

Yesterday I felt like something really wonderful happened. There is one older girl who used to just intimidate me so so much. she is a lot older and she can be kinda rude sometimes. but yesterday she found me after lunch and said she wanted to talk. She told me that she was sorry if she had been rude to me or scared me. she didnt want me to think that way about her. she was super honest and said she didnt really want to be friends but that she also wanted it to be that we could be friendly and nice(i dont really know how to say what she said lol sorry). but it was so wonderful and so good. i now feel like all the kids at least are willing to talk to me and there isnt anyone who i really want to avoid or anything. its good.

There have been some days that were harder but i really feel like i'm getting to know exactly what i do. which is almost always different, but good. the kids have found that I am really good at math so i help a lot with math homework and obviously english homework as well. I enjoy it, although it can get frustrating because I'm not very good at explaining math in english, let alone spanish. but i think i am getting better and i know lots of spanish math terms now lol. :)

This coming Wednesday I am going to be speaking for the devotional with all of the kids. I am very nervous but i know that the Lord is going to give me the words to say. Oh and also i will be doing in spanish, i wont be doing it in english and having someone translate it. So that definitely makes it harder and scarier as well. Please pray for confidence as i speak to them and also that the Lord would show me exactly what it is he wants me to talk to them about.

Also please be praying for what i do when i get home. I really don't know the next step that the Lord has for me yet. I know that in His timing He will show me His plan and He is teaching me patience through this as well as learning to trust Him, as well as living where I am now and not in the future. But please be praying for direction. thank you!

some new kids...

Tonight we recieved two new little boys. Melvin(2) and Kevin(4). it touched my heart so much to see the whole thing transpire. I would like to share my evening with you of all that happened.

I ate with the little boys tonight, and as we began eating, Xiomara, our house mom for the little boys, was told that the boys had arrived. She left the house(leaving her son and i in charge :/ lol) and went to get the boys in the office. When they came back, we were all done eating and the kids were very excited to meet our new little guys. They were crying when they came in, and I can only imagine how scared they must have been through it all. Our house mom took them upstairs to bath them and afterwards we prayed over them and blessed them. It was a very moving time. We got them some food and they were very hungry. To watch all of it and the way our other little boys were so willing to help was amazing. They all wanted to make them feel loved and just let them know that they were safe. when they were done eating i carried Kevin upstairs and i'll never forget it. the boys all had their toys set out ready for him to play with them. He was shy at first but it was so cool watching them show him how to do different things with their cars or little action figures. A little later he was playing and laughing with a couple of our 10 or 11 year olds and just loving being there. I dont feel like I will be able to forget tonight. It was such a sad thing to see, but at the same time so wonderful...It really touched my heart. They are quite precious... :) Please pray for them as they adjust to being here.

We have now had 8 new kids in the last month. That isn't normal, but please be praying for all of them as they adjust to being here. It can be a difficult adjustment.

city of refuge

This past week I had the opportunity to go to a squatter camp with some of our missionaries and a group that was here. Our missionaries have connections with a church/pastor who lives and works up there. Working through the church we were given a few projects and, working with the locals, we helped improve three houses up there. I got to help the house pictured above. As you can kinda see, the house doesnt have a front wall, so we dug a hole and helped to build a block wall in front of their house. I think the projects were really good because the people were willing to help us as well and it wasnt us fixing their problems. it was us coming behind them to help them get it done faster. I really hope to be able to work up there with them more before i leave.

We can see the village in our backyard. its crazy how close to home it is and yet how different they live. i was told that about 50% of guatemalans are living in chronic malnourishment and it is the 4th highest in malnourishment in the world...even more so than Haiti...When i was told this, I couldnt believe it. How is it that I am living in a country so beautiful, yet filled with such poverty, such despair...

The little boy in the picture is Paco, or Franko, he went by both names. He was the youngest of the kids living in the house i worked on, and he was such a precious boy. I got to play with him and i think it was the highlight of my time up there. He was a boy with very little material things, but the happiness i saw in him, i will not forget...

my last few weeks have been so hectic. Sorry I have not been able to update lately on how everything here is going. This past week was semana santa(holy week) so the kids didnt have school and we did tons of fun things. We went to a pool for a day(really beautiful), had NLCH olympics(tons of games), had a sleepover, a bonfire, and a night of focussing on the cross. It has been such a good week. I love watching the Lord work in their lives and although it is hard here, it is completely worth it. I really enjoy playing soccer with the guys and they have been teaching me some cool things that i can do :). its fun.

please be praying for my relationships with the older girls. they are a hard group to work with. They take a lot of time usually to warm up to people and I have really been struggling with trying to get to know them and know when to just let them be...

there is so much more that i'm sure i could say right now but i dont have a lot of time right now. I will hopefully be able to share again really soon :) thanks for all the prayers

today i felt like my spanish was so good! i mean there were things i obviously did not understand but its improving! :) i ate dinner with the older girls tonight and i understood most of their conversation and we were joking around and stuff. it was quite exciting! i loved it.

also another exciting thing of my day was that Danilo finally likes me. :) Danilo is the 2 year old who takes some time before he warms up to people. slowly i've been trying to get him to like me and today it finally happened. :) we played on the playground and he was even sharing his toys and cookie with me. it was super exciting. Definitely a blessing from the Lord. Today has actually been quite a day of blessings. Which i think is completely from the Lord. I think the Lord knew i needed it today...We found out more about my grandpa's cancer. it has spread to his liver, bones, and brain. It is really bad, and he had his first chemo today. I am praying for complete healing and I know that the Lord can heal him and I am trusting that He will. I feel like the Lord wants to do something big. :) Its all in His timing. And no matter the outcome the Lord gets the glory for all of it....

also i posted this part on my facebook so i thought i should on here as well

In this world but not of it...

The Lord has been teaching me so much lately. Through Intermissions(a missionary conference I got to go to this weekend) as well as the book Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper. And though they are different things I am learning, they all relate quite closely. The first is that God likes to use those that the world sees as unqualified. Everywhere I go, people say I should go to college to actually be able to get a good job or be able to really do anything. But I hate that so much because God has used so many people to do such great things that never went to college. Why do I need to be like the world in this way? I don’t think I do… The Lord can use me either way. I don’t think its wrong to go to college, but I don’t think I must go either. It was the Pharisees, the educated ones who knew the bible, who Jesus rebuked the most. I think its important to know the bible and be educated, but it doesn’t have to look like the world… The Lord desires a willing heart, not an educated mind…

I have also been learning to live where God has me now and trust He will give me the next step as I need it. Ps. 119:105 says, "Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Though I may not see far up the path, God's light shines where I am now. That's where I need to be- today. "Many times we waste today worrying about tomorrow." Many people have asked me what I plan to do after this, I've even asked myself. But why do I need to know the next step? I need to focus on what I'm doing now with these kids and trust that God will reveal what I need when I need it. Not when I want it.
The Lord has also been teaching me to not waste my life with the things of this world. This is the hard one for me to be learning and I know I will only be able to do it through prayer and only through the Holy Spirit. But I also know that this is so important. In Matthew, Jesus talks about how He will supply our every need. Many times our wants, and the things that make us comfortable, become "needs" in our minds. But Jesus never promises comfort. He does tell us He will not put us through more than we can handle though. And when we put our hope in the things of this world we can't put our hope in Jesus. We must choose.

"…if we look like our lives are devoted to getting and maintaining things, we will look like the world, and that will not make Christ look great. He will look like a religious side-interest that may be useful for escaping hell in the end, but doesn’t make much difference in what we live and love here. He will not look like an all-satisfying treasure." -John Piper

Well I am finally back at the Home!! :) this week I'm more trying to figure out where I fit and what all i should be doing/ways I can serve. Its good. Spanish is getting easier. I can kind of have conversations now but my vocabulary is very limited and its hard. The kids are easier than the adults though to talk to. Sometimes I feel like learning spanish is affecting my english haha. not a good thing, but its ok. lol I'm excited for the things the Lord has for me here... :)

Thank you for all your prayers :)

Please especially pray:

-that I can figure out more what I am doing day to day.

-for the kids- that the Lord would use me(or anyone really) to help change hearts and help

them grow in relationship with God.

-for my grandpa- he has lung cancer and its pretty bad. pray for healing and that the Lord

would give him strength to continue on.

Thank you all again for praying!!! I really appreciate it

sorry i havent updated in a while. there hasnt been too many exciting things happening lately. I mostly do the same things every day. language school in the morning, reading, exploring, random things in the afternoons and evenings. I cant go out at night alone so that is pretty limiting, but last weekend i was able to go out with some of the other students from the school. it was a good time.

a few weekends ago i got to visit the orphanage for the weekend and just chill and relax out there. Played with a couple of the girls which was just so fun. Jeni and Alejandra. they are 6 and 7 and they are crazy, cute little girls. :) the picture is of Jeni. She is quite a crazy one. Love her tho.

This is my last week at the language school. Friday or so I will be going back to the orphanage. :)

well i haven't posted in a while and i apologize for that. It has been quite a hectic few weeks here. We have had a lot of teams coming and i just want to spend every possible moment with the kids a lot of times. :)

This week is semana santa(holy week) here in guatemala so the kids dont have school. monday we went to this nice pool/hot springs thing, which was a lot of fun. i loved it. very beautiful. we are also having the NLCH olympics which is just a ton of games and competitions. it has been a lot of fun, and i have had some really good conversations with the kids this week. its good. tomorrow we are going to have a mud pit tug of war, which i am super excited for. it is going to be a ton of fun :) today as well as yesterday the guys decided to throw me in the little swimming pool that we have for the week...twice...well that is, two different days...funny guys... my spanish is getting better. i thnk i might have had a partial dream in spanish last night. i at least think i talked in spanish, so that is a super excited thing to happen. but yes. i enjoy this language. it is wonderful :)

sorry this is super short and undetailed. hopefully more to come soon. :) thank you for the continued prayers

an adventurous weekend...

Ok so Saturday was quite the adventure. I got to hike up Pacaya, one of the active volcanoes nearby with a few of the girls from my language school. There are so many words I could use to describe it. Wow. Ok so we went up in a group of 14 and a tour guide. It was quite a difficult climb. The altitude we were hiking at, combined with the steepness of the trail made it pretty tough. We didn’t go at too fast of a pace though because many of us were kinda out of shape. :) I was told it was a little less than one and a half miles one way, but I feel like that might have been wrong. It felt longer than that. So we went through a wooded area first and that was kinda lame because everything was dead looking. Then we got to the lava ash where we could see the peak, which had smoke coming out of it(SO COOL!). Lava ash is like walking in sand but with the effect of walking in dirt, it came up as dust and was awful to breath in. we definitely had the taste of it in our mouths. Nasty… The lava ash was also very difficult to walk uphill in, 2 steps forward one step back. It was steep and very tiring. Then we got to the lava rock and it was really steep. Some of the rocks were loose so we had to be careful and slow going up. As we got higher we could feel that some of the rocks were warmer, which was cool. Then we got to the top of where we climbed and it was miserably hot. We were standing on a few very large rocks and you could see the lava under them, pretty freaky. And it was so hot in that spot that it was hard to breath and my shoes started melting on the bottom. So we quickly wanted down from there. I didn’t get to roast marshmallows but when I was up there that was the last thing on my mind. It was quite beautiful up there though. We were above the clouds and could see the other 3 volcanoes and the sun setting. It was so beautiful. I loved that part so much. So anyways then we had to make the trek back down :(. We had to come down the way we went up, which was super hard and scary, especially since it was getting dark(we had flashlights thankfully). There was a lot of scooting on our bottoms and just kinda sliding down. And once we were at the spot where we could see the peak really well, lava started flowing down the side. Don’t worry it wasn’t near where we were. It was running in a completely different direction. But it was really cool to be able to see it running. Oh and when you looked at the smoke from the peak, it was red where it met the peak because of the lava, that was pretty cool. I was pretty relieved when we finally made it back to the van. I emptied lava ash out of my shoes like 4 or 5 times that day. Ha ha. Oh and now I'm really sore from the climb…ugh I'm out of shape...

Ok so language school is going good. I still get frustrated. I wish I could just be fluent in Spanish. My life would be easier. I've been getting lots of sleep here. I can't go out after dark because its dangerous and it gets dark at like 6 so I usually go to bed pretty early. Getting the sleep is good though, I like that :) plus I have had a ton of time to read, which is great. I have finished reading 2 books already since I've been here. :) I've been having some good times with the Lord. The isolation has been enjoyable, but hard at times.

As I see the homeless people in the streets here, I just don’t know what to do. I hate just walking past them, but I don’t know how to help them. It breaks my heart to see them. To see the sadness in their eyes…

a real update :)

Ok so I'm really not sure what all I have shared so far so I'm pretty much just gonna start over and share lots right now because I don’t have internet as I write this so sorry if I repeat things I already wrote.

Last week was pretty relaxing for me. They just had me chilling mostly and doing whatever. There was a team here when I first came and I really liked them. They helped me to adjust easier than I think I would have. I helped them with their laying of cinder blocks for a patio area, which was pretty hard. The blocks each weighed like 15 lbs they said. And I was moving wheel barrels with like 10 at a time. (I didn’t know they were that heavy til after). I was quite surprised. I was moving more than I weigh lol. Anyway I also got to spend time with the kids, which was a lot of fun but also frustrating because I couldn’t really say anything to them. I watched TV with the older guys one evening which was cool I guess. Oh yeah, um their names are all really hard to remember. There are so many to remember! I think once I'm with them more and actually able to talk to them it will be better. Saturday the team left, which was pretty hard. A lot harder than I thought it would be, that’s for sure. It was the first time I was really alone and it kinda scared me a little but I am beginning to like having time alone.

Then Sunday afternoon Wendy(she and her husband, Kendon, are the directors) and Jon(um he is complicated :) he is in his 20s and still lives there but he is in school and also works at the children's home. He also speaks fluent English which is great!). Anyways, they brought me to Antigua(for language school for 5 weeks), which is probably the most beautiful place I think I have ever been. All the streets are cobblestone and the houses and buildings are all weird cool colors, like mustard yellow, orange, bright blue, red, and variations of that. It was really scary when they left after taking me to my host family's house. My family doesn’t speak any English which is hard, but its good for me. I was overwhelmed with being left here, but the Lord has been my comfort and has brought me joy.

Monday I started language school. I have one-on-one teaching from 8-12. I like it, its hard though and frustrating sometimes. My teacher is really great though. Monday I also got to feel a tremor(mini earthquake), which was SWEET! Haha they said it was like a 7. I was on the roof/deck thing with my teacher so we could see and of course feel the building move. It was pretty intense. I was kinda scared but I'm glad I experienced it :). Ok this is my analogy for you on how it felt. Think about one of those handheld vibrating massagers and like putting it on yourself. Ok then you turn it off but it still kinda feels like its there vibrating you. Ha ha. Its like someone put a giant one of those on the earth. Quite intense.

Food: ok I am drinking way more coffee than usual. I had 4 cups/day the past 2 days. haha It’s a social thing here so its hard not to. Oh but I can drink it black now. Haha. Yes I have been here for only a week and I am already drinking my coffee black. Crazy right. Um I really miss food from home. Last night I was eating dinner and I just wanted a good home-cooked meal. I miss good food… no mi gustan frijoles… :( I don’t like beans...

Almost done I promise! Um my neighbors in Antigua is a gym. So its super annoying because they play music ALL THE TIME! Ugh! Um, Antigua is super safe. It’s a tourist town. So its actually safe for me to walk alone(unlike the children's home where I can't leave). But don’t worry I'm super careful! And I don’t go out after dark. That is just not safe.

What the Lord is teaching me so far: SO MUCH! But I think the main theme of what He is teaching me is to surrender EVERYTHING to Him. To rely on him for my every need. Sacrifice. That’s a word that I feel He is showing me. He has asked me to make a lot of sacrifices in being here. Many of which I didn’t really think about til in the midst. He is also teaching me that life isn't always comfortable following Him, but its worth it.

HE deserves all the glory for everything I do. I desire to live in a way that when others look at me, they know I cannot be this person. But it is only through Him and His strength that I am who I am.

all i want to say is that it is really hard to figure my blog out right now because my computer apparently knows i'm in Guatemala because it is all in spanish! but i think i finally know how to do it haha.

the language barrier is really hard for me. i am getting really frustrated because i just want to talk to the kids! but a verse was shared with me that i would like to put on here. its 1 John 3:18 and it says, "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." so although i cant talk to them I can still love them.

settling in

I don't have much time to talk right now but I wanted to give an update on how the first few days are going. It is absolutely beautiful here. The weather is sunny and mostly warm(the wind makes it a little chilly at times). I am also surrounded by mountains, which I LOVE. It is just beautiful.

Apparently Guatemala City is quite dangerous, so we have cement walls around us and we have 24 hour guards at the gates(and they have guns! which is perfectly legal... :) ) so i haven't really left the campus but thats ok.

I am finding myself remembering my spanish(which isnt very much) and sometimes i am even thinking in spanish haha well the few words i know!

The children are adorable and I love being here. I haven't had a ton of interaction with them yet but I look forward to loving on them and spending lots of time with them.

well i really have to go but I will try to update again soon. I leave for Antigua for language school on Sunday and will be there until February 19th. I'm not sure of internet access there but I will do my best! :)

its almost here

As my time to leave draws near, I am filled with excitement. Yet at the same time I am so nervous. My mind is filled with thoughts of antisipation as I'm still not 100% sure what to expect yet. I am so excited for the things the Lord is going to do in me though while I am there. I want to be used by Him, and I desire my life to be completely for His glory, not my own. I'm not sure I could ever do this without Him guiding me and carrying me every step of the way. I look forward to the challenges I face ahead, as well as just being in this new season of my life.

I have a few things that I desire to see happen in my life while I am there. One thing I desire is to rest in the Lord completely in who I am and what He wants me to do with my life. Deut. 33:12 says, "Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders." and Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still, and know that I am God..." I desire to take these 2 verses and live them out completely in my life. I think this is the season I am in. To rest secure in the Lord. To be still and know He is God. To stop striving to become better, to stop trying so hard. I think when I stop and rest in the Lord, when I stand still before the Lord, I will truly see God. I will learn His heart. Learn who He is. And I think that that is when I will become the person I desire to be. Not in striving, but in looking to God. So that is one thing I desire not only for my time in Guatemala but for my year, and furthermore for my life.
I also desire that God would be glorified in all my actions. I desire to love people the way Jesus loved. I desire to serve. And I desire that I would put others first.

I leave in 6 days. I ask that you would pray for me. For my time in Guatemala. For the children of NLCH. That I could love them like Jesus. That my life would portray Jesus to them. That their hearts would be filled with hope and love.

The next time I write I will be in Guatemala. :)