living for today

Many times we hear this phrase, "live for today" but how do we actually really live it out. I think that is something that God has been teaching me recently. So many times I worry about what is to come or how I am going to overcome these sins in my life, but I need to focus on today. We must continue to fight today's fight. We cannot win tomorrows battle, but we will win these battles as we choose to fight each day. I think we forget that. We overcome our sins, our struggles, and the temptations of life by daily choosing to follow Jesus and live in His strength, surrendering all that we are to Him.
Live for today.
What does God want to do in me today? God knows the things we must do each day- work, school, doing the laundry, etc. But He still wants to use us in the midst of that. We need to be willing. Many times when I think about being open or willing to what God wants for me each day, i don't quite know what to do because I have responsibilities (like a job) and things I must do and I feel like the two don't work together. But God can still use us through those things. Don't belittle the mundane things of life that Jesus can use to transform others lives. Have a willing heart. This is definitely something I am trying to learn and apply to my life right now. Its not an easy thing, but it is worth it.
Matt. 22:37...Am i daily trying to give all that I am to God?

Steadfast

So recently I have really been thinking about the word steadfast again. It was a huge part of my time in texas at the HA and has consistently been something that I am reminded of. But recently I have been really learning from it. The dictionary defines it as:

1.

fixed in direction; steadily directed: a steadfast gaze.

2.

firm in purpose, resolution, faith, attachment, etc., as aperson: a steadfast friend.

3.

unwavering, as resolution, faith, adherence, etc.

4.

firmly established, as an institution or a state of affairs.

5.

firmly fixed in place or position.

And so many times when I think about steadfast I think about how I want to be steadfast for the Lord. Unmoving in my love and devotion to him. But in the last few days the Lord has really been showing me how HE is steadfast in his love for me. God is unwavering, firmly established, constant, unmovable in His love for me. There is absolutely nothing that i can do to change that love. What a comfort to know that my Savior loves me in such a way.

Psalm 63:3

Because your steadfast love is better than life,
   my lips will praise you.

Ok where to start? Have had a lot on my mind and on my heart lately. God has really been placing the persecuted church on my heart lately and to pray for them. Also challenging me in my faith, would I be willing to suffer for His name sake? Thats a hard question. I don't know that I can for sure say yes, but I pray that if it happened the Holy Spirit would strengthen me and I could trust that His plan is better than my own. I think we have to remember that life is like a mosaic. All the things we go through are little pieces. Some are beautiful, fun colors, others are ugly and not our favorite. But when the picture is complete, it makes a masterpiece that is beautiful beyond words.(didn't make this analogy up, but I love it and will always remember it) When was the last time you prayed for your brothers and sisters in Christ that are suffering? I know I definitely could use more time of my time praying for them instead of worrying about my tiny little problems.

I have also been realizing that I am not a vulnerable person. I don't like having my guard down for fear of being hurt. I think that I feel like I have to earn people's love or that if they find out what really goes on in my heart, they won't love me anymore or want to be around me. So this makes vulnerability a very scary thing for me. Not really sure what to do with all of this yet, but I guess the first step is realizing the problem. God is just doing a lot in me and its good. 

Also learning patience in my desires. God knows the things that my heart desires and he will fulfill them in HIS way, in HIS time, not mine. I need to trust that. I want to be single-mindedly focused on Him and the things that He wants for me. 

Also have been fully overwhelmed by the gospel and the cross lately. So amazing to think of what he did for me. That I could live with Him in eternity. All for His glory...have been reading and working to memorize Isaiah 53 with my housemates. Its such a powerful passage. Its overwhelming to think about what He did for us...

Recently I started helping with an after-school tutoring program for Latino kids in the area on thursdays.  I love it so much.  This past week they asked me to work with a girl named Claudia. They said that she has quite the attitude(and its true) but because of that, I think they just don't expect her to listen ever or do work. But this week she was supposed to work on a project so we did it together and formed a small bond I think. Afterwards, they asked what I did to make her accomplish something. And honestly I didn't do anything really. Just told her what I expected kinda and helped her do that. But anyways then they told me her story and it absolutely broke my heart. Her family is from Guatemala and when she was a baby, they came to the United States. Unfortunately, because she was a baby, they left her under the care of someone else...alone.. So for 12 years she lived there, not really even knowing her family. Then 2 or so years ago she came to join her family. I'm sure this has so much to do with the way she is... And it just breaks my heart. I ask you to join with me in prayer for Claudia. Pray that God would capture her heart and show her that her true identity is in Christ.

Lord, continue to break my heart for the things that break yours...

I've been trying to think about what to blog recently and have really been wanting to blog, but haven't been able to think about what I should blog. So I have decided just to write tonight and hope its interesting...just going to share my thoughts.
I have been thinking a lot about prayer recently and God has really just been challenging me because I haven't really had much of a prayer life recently...for a long time actually. I definitely would pray, but I didn't have times really dedicated to prayer and just sitting in the presence of the Lord. So yes, though I know I will never really feel like I pray enough, I know that I want to grow in that, and I have been. Prayer really does change things. God has really been showing me that.
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." -Hebrews 12:2-3
Have been thinking on the Cross recently, reading Isaiah 53 with my roommates as well. Am I really grateful for what Christ has done on the cross for me? If he never blessed me again in my life, would what he has done be enough? Am I living that way?
Yesterday I was reading in 1 Timothy and vs 16 really stuck out to me in that Christ has "unlimited patience" with us...That just really makes me happy. I need that unlimited patience...Thank you Jesus :)

intricacy of God's creation

So I am now working at an eye doctor's office(which is totally a job from the Lord! thank You Jesus) and I'm still in training but I am sure that I will always be learning new things there. This morning as I was reading my bible before work I came to Matt. 6:22, "the eye is the lamp of the body..." and I love this verse now. I think reading it, I always thought it was more figurative than actually medical, but in fact the eye really is the lamp of the body. Doctors can know so much about other health issues just from the eye(SO COOL!) and I'm sure that you are all kind of wondering why in the world I am talking so much about eyes, but its just because God created them so amazingly intricate. I have learned so much already on how the eye works and the different parts of the eye and really I don't remember it all but it just continues to amaze me. You can actually use a tool and look into the pupil of someone's eye and see the back of the eye. The eye has so many layers and parts and it does so much...and yet they are so tiny. This just makes me once more in awe of our God. :) I can't even begin to tell of all the cool things about eyes, there's just so much. I feel like there was so much more I wanted to say but I'm really tired so I think I'm gonna just stop there. Be in awe of the things that seem so simple and tiny. They may be some of God's most detailed creations :)

I've been wanting to start blogging again here recently but every time I go to blog, my mind just goes blank and I don't know what I feel like talking about. But today is the day I will blog! :)

This morning I was listening to Polen band(for those who don't know, they are a local worship band, my friends, and well they are just great!) Anyways I was listening to their one song called Labels and the one line really stuck out to me today. It said "Don't be afraid cuz our mistakes can't forever label us....forgiven and free..." Even if our mistakes were to label us for our entire life, that's not forever...and that is quite a freeing thought. Our lives here are short, like a vapor. We must learn and grow from our mistakes, and then move on. 

Lately I have been realizing how many labels i really do put on myself and believe others have put on me as well. And I feel like I have all these expectations on me and if i mess up then people will stop loving me as much or something. I don't know. But the Lord has really been revealing all of this to me. I think I have been cheapening grace and without realizing it, thinking that it all depends on my works. read Eph. 2:8-10 recently and it just blew me away. I always knew verses 8-9 together, and then verse 10 but for some reason I never connected them. It is by grace, not works that we are saved, but yet we were created in Jesus to do good works. 

Not saved by them, but created to do them.

And all of this so that we may only boast in Jesus name..not our own...so beautiful.

I've been finding so many verses recently about how its not about what I do but what Christ has already done and the grace he extends to me. 

"Walking in the light does not mean sinlessness. It means seeing our sin, confessing, and fighting it as forgiven.(based on 1 John 1:7-9)" - John Piper(been following him on twitter and I think its from the Lord because sometimes he tells me exactly what I need to hear)

I've been reading Shadow of the Almighty: Life and Testimony of Jim Elliot recently...good book.

"'In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.' I think the devil has made it his business to monopolize on three elements: noise, hurry, crowds. If he can keep us hearing radios, gossip, conversation, or even sermons, he is happy. But he will not allow quietness. For he believes Isaiah where we do not. Satan is quite aware of the power of silence. The voice of God, though persistent, is soft..."

When was the last time you sat in silence with the Creator of the Universe?

alejandro :)

The past few days i have been spending countless hours with Alejandro. He came to the home this past fall and he is 3 years old. He can't really talk, but he is learning. And you learn to understand what grunts are for what lol. He has quite the special place in my heart though. There is just something about him that is just so incredibly precious. I think that 2 and 3 year olds are my favorite age to watch kids. There is just something about them. Tonight I ate in the little boys house and after dinner I asked the house mother if there was anything i could help her with. she asked me to give Alejandro his shower. I kinda was startled by that but was then like ok i can do this. lol. last year i was asked to give one of the other toddler boys his shower so it wasnt as difficult. it was kinda funny...definitely got wet. but it was funny. Josue, usually a troublemaker, was quite the helper though. he got me his towel, shampoo, and set out his clothes for me. and then watched me the whole time. it was surprising but so great. I just love the kids here so much...

rats, beans, and mending relationships

So I have been here for a week and a half now and it has been so wonderful to get to return to Guatemala and to NLCH to serve the kids and missionaries and staff in any way i possibly can. I love it. Last year I hated beans and this year before I came, I prayed a lot about that and that the Lord would just enable me to eat them. I know that sounds like a silly prayer but thats how much I couldnt eat them. so since I've been here I really feel like that has changed. I mean i still dont like them but i can eat them now and they are growing on me. I love when God answers even the smallest of prayers.
One of the interesting things about this trip so far has been the little friends I have living in my ceiling. They aren't loud all the time but sometimes it sounds like someone is walking on my roof..but no that would be the rats running around in the ceiling...thankfully i havent had to see any of them yet but still quite disgusting.
I have had a few opportunities to leave the children's home with one of the house moms this year and it has been really cool. we dont live in the safest of places in the city so it makes me nervous to go walking out of the home(cars are a different story) but I got to go this little store where they can buy school supplies and it was the weirdest thing. it was just a blue building like all the others but then in the window it had a little doorbell lookin thing. no signs, nothing indicating it was a store. you just had to know. loved it. made me laugh. then another day i got to walk to the mall thats not too far from the home with the same house mom, Gledia, and some of the older boys so they could get new shoes. they didnt like the ones at the mall though, mostly too expensive, so we went back to the market(which is way closer to the home) and thats where they ended up getting their shoes. but it was a cool experience. I love getting to leave with the guatemalans. its just a completely different experience than if your with gringos.
this trip i have really wanted to build my relationships with the older girls and just be a friend to them. The Lord has really blessed me in that. I really feel like my relationships with them are starting to go a little deeper and I can see that many of them really trust me. I've been really enjoying spending lots of time with them. last year i didnt have the greatest of relationships with many of them but i really feel like thats changing. :)
In many ways this place just feels like home....more to come probably...but i'm tired right now. :)

i think that i am probably the most inconsistent blogger in the entire world! sorry!!! but I'm feeling a bit inspired right now. had some guatemalan coffee earlier so i cant really sleep, so what if i work at 6 tomorrow mornings. ha whatever. Also feelin a little inspired after reading through sophie's blog tonight. :) thanks soph!

Can't believe that in 4 short days I will returning to Guatemala to see all the people that I love so dearly down there at the children's home. :) I will try to keep all of you updated on how its going and what God's teaching me while I'm there...but we all know how i am at that.

Jesus has just been teachin me so much I don't even know where to start! um ok I guess the huge thing that God has been teaching me right now is JOY. Even when times get tough I can still have joy in Christ. Everywhere I go recently, it seams they are teaching on joy. church, sunday school, awe service, new grounds, reconnect...The Lord just keeps bringing me to the book of Philippians. My pastor gave a good definition for joy at church the other week- a peace, a confidence, trusting God in times of struggle. I love that joy isnt about being happy because reality is we aren't gonna be happy all the time. I can't control my circumstances, but I can trust God that he has a plan and find joy in that. Another thing that should bring us joy is to know that Jesus overcame...our sins, our mistakes, our failures, our past, our hurt...He has overcome them all...and given victory in times of trouble. Overcoming these feelings may not always look the way we expect them to but God will always come through.  He is there to give peace, to give joy, in the midst of those hard times.

      " I will not fear the war
        I will not fear the storm
        My help is on the way
        My help is on the way

        Oh my God He will not delay
        My refuge and strength always
        I will not fear His promise is true
        My God will come through always, always."

I've decided to start blogging again. Its been a while and though I don't know if anyone will read it, I want to start writing again. It has been over a year since my journey to Guatemala began, which is where my blog started. But now it has been almost 8 months since I've been home and the Lord is continuing to work in my life, and keeping Guatemala on my heart. 

I have been living at the Off the Wall girls house with my friends and the Lord has blessed me so much. I am constantly surrounded by women who love Jesus and it is so encouraging to my relationship with the Lord. Though I do not enjoy my job, the Lord has been working mightily through it to stretch me and teach me to love more like Christ. It is definitely a challenge some days, but I know that Jesus is with me and is working in my life through it all. 

The Lord has also opened the door for me to return to Guatemala to visit and serve NLCH once more for the month of April. I look forward to seeing the children that have completely stolen my heart and continue to love them with the love of Jesus. I pray that Christ would be glorified in my time there, as well as in my life from day to day.