Prayer

As I begin this new journey back to Guatemala God has been teaching me so much already in our School of Missions(SOM). The past couple days we have been having a prayer retreat and it has really challenged my heart. Many times out lives are so busy and we can even busy them with things like ministry and then pray and ask God to bless our ministry. But what if, instead of just surrounding our ministries in prayer, our ministries flowed out of our prayers. Lives and hearts are changed as a result of our prayers, not our actions. Only God can truly change people and make our ministry effective. Our actions are the tools but God is the one working. And so our prayers are the most important part of our ministry. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this quite like I want to but hopefully this all makes sense.
I have really been challenged in my prayer life. If I want to help change lives, it starts with prayer. One thing that was said that I really liked was that there are 3 main parts to ministry: prayer, listening to others, and communication.
We also talked about how there are different ways to pray. The three main ones(that we talked about) are praying with others words, praying without words, and praying with our own words.
We can use the psalms or other scripture to pray, or even join in the thousands of brothers and sisters who join daily in fixed-hour prayer. This one was a little strange to me at first but after doing it a couple days I really like it. Joining with others at a set time to pray and refocus on God can be a powerful thing(if you want more info on this ask me).
Praying without words is something that I learned is extremely hard for me. I get so distracted as I sit and try to focus and I got frustrated. But we also had the story of a little boy who was with his father and he would sit with him for a couple minutes and then get distracted for a bit with toys or other things. But the father loved the moments that his son would stop playing with his toys, even for a minute, and turn his attention to his father and just sit with him. I don't know if I told the story exactly right but the point is that God loves when we take the time to sit with him, despite distractions or even if we fall asleep. This kind of prayer is something I really want to grow in. I want to sit at the King's feet and just listen. It is a discipline I need to learn. Another thing that I learned about it is that there will be times when we feel like we have wasted our time and it wasn't productive but those are the times we must work through and be faithful to continue doing it.
And finally we talked about praying and talking to God as a friend(John 15:5). Just sharing your heart with him and talking.
And to finish we asked 3 questions. Who do I want to be? How do I want to live? How do I want to live so that I can be who I want to be?
I want my life to be one where I am prayerful. I hope this encourages others to pray and be challenged in the things I have been challenged with the last couple days. :)
It excites me that it's only te first week and already God is teaching me so much. :)

Its amazing how much God can speak to you through a sunrise, or lack there of. Yesterday I got up early and decided that I was going to watch the sunrise with Jesus. But instead of a beautiful sunrise filling the sky with brilliant colors, it was a cold, cloudy morning. Though it wasn't absolutely beautiful and breath-taking, it was truly what I needed that morning. Sometimes we make plans and feel like they going to glorify God, and maybe those things could glorify him, but the question is whether or not it is the best way we can glorify him.
Today I was reading in a book I love and was really challenged and encouraged.

If I hold spiritual blessings or friendship for myself they will corrupt me, no matter how beautiful they are. I have to pour them out before the Lord, give them to Him in my mind, though it looks as if I am wasting them, even as David poured the water out on the sand, to be instantly sucked up.

-Elisabeth Elliot(Passion and Purity)(quoting Oswald Chambers)

Steadfastness, that is holding on;

patience, that is holding back;

expectancy, that is holding the face up;

obedience, that is holding one's self in readiness to go or do;

listening, that is holding quiet and still so as to hear.

How long, Lord, must I wait?

Never mind, child. Trust me.

(same book)(quoting S.D. Gordon)

I have been trying to do things in my own timing recently, thinking I knew what was best. But God is really showing me that His ways are good and perfect and definitely don't need my assistance. I need only follow in obedience and trust Him as I go.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all of your ways acknowledge him

and he will direct your path.

Be not wise in your own eyes...

Proverbs 3:5-7

encourage

Lately God has been putting encouragement on my heart and really challenging me in it. "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today...." Heb. 3:13 I know that I am definitely not doing that but it is something I desire to do. I want to come to a place where I speak words of encouragement over others daily, not just sometimes.
Ephesians 4:29 talks about speaking encouraging words to others to build them up in the way that they need instead of putting them down. This means making a conscious effort to look for the ways people need encouragement that day and speaking that over them. The question we need to ask ourselves is, "Am I speaking words of life over people or words of death?" I tend to be sarcastic a lot and, though my friends know I'm kidding usually, it does not change that I am not building them up with the words I speak. I want to change this. I want to lift others up with my words. I know it will be very difficult to change but that's part of the reason I write.  By writing, I am giving each of you the permission to call me out in it and help me recognize the times my words are not lifting my brothers and sisters up.

Valentines Day

Days like today usually make me desire a relationship. I want to be considered lovely. I want to be desired. But right now I just want Jesus. I want to know him more intimately than before. He created me lovely and delights in me. He desires me so much that he went to the cross and bore my sins and conquered death. All so that I could spend an eternity with him.
I am redeemed.
I am chosen.
I am beautifully created.
I am the beloved of the Lord.
I have purpose.
My life, my heart, my everything rests in His hands. And there it will stay. I want to be completely satisfied in him alone. I don't want to be defined by the world or a man or whatever else satan tries to throw at me. My identity is in Jesus Christ alone.

living for today

Many times we hear this phrase, "live for today" but how do we actually really live it out. I think that is something that God has been teaching me recently. So many times I worry about what is to come or how I am going to overcome these sins in my life, but I need to focus on today. We must continue to fight today's fight. We cannot win tomorrows battle, but we will win these battles as we choose to fight each day. I think we forget that. We overcome our sins, our struggles, and the temptations of life by daily choosing to follow Jesus and live in His strength, surrendering all that we are to Him.
Live for today.
What does God want to do in me today? God knows the things we must do each day- work, school, doing the laundry, etc. But He still wants to use us in the midst of that. We need to be willing. Many times when I think about being open or willing to what God wants for me each day, i don't quite know what to do because I have responsibilities (like a job) and things I must do and I feel like the two don't work together. But God can still use us through those things. Don't belittle the mundane things of life that Jesus can use to transform others lives. Have a willing heart. This is definitely something I am trying to learn and apply to my life right now. Its not an easy thing, but it is worth it.
Matt. 22:37...Am i daily trying to give all that I am to God?

Steadfast

So recently I have really been thinking about the word steadfast again. It was a huge part of my time in texas at the HA and has consistently been something that I am reminded of. But recently I have been really learning from it. The dictionary defines it as:

1.

fixed in direction; steadily directed: a steadfast gaze.

2.

firm in purpose, resolution, faith, attachment, etc., as aperson: a steadfast friend.

3.

unwavering, as resolution, faith, adherence, etc.

4.

firmly established, as an institution or a state of affairs.

5.

firmly fixed in place or position.

And so many times when I think about steadfast I think about how I want to be steadfast for the Lord. Unmoving in my love and devotion to him. But in the last few days the Lord has really been showing me how HE is steadfast in his love for me. God is unwavering, firmly established, constant, unmovable in His love for me. There is absolutely nothing that i can do to change that love. What a comfort to know that my Savior loves me in such a way.

Psalm 63:3

Because your steadfast love is better than life,
   my lips will praise you.

Ok where to start? Have had a lot on my mind and on my heart lately. God has really been placing the persecuted church on my heart lately and to pray for them. Also challenging me in my faith, would I be willing to suffer for His name sake? Thats a hard question. I don't know that I can for sure say yes, but I pray that if it happened the Holy Spirit would strengthen me and I could trust that His plan is better than my own. I think we have to remember that life is like a mosaic. All the things we go through are little pieces. Some are beautiful, fun colors, others are ugly and not our favorite. But when the picture is complete, it makes a masterpiece that is beautiful beyond words.(didn't make this analogy up, but I love it and will always remember it) When was the last time you prayed for your brothers and sisters in Christ that are suffering? I know I definitely could use more time of my time praying for them instead of worrying about my tiny little problems.

I have also been realizing that I am not a vulnerable person. I don't like having my guard down for fear of being hurt. I think that I feel like I have to earn people's love or that if they find out what really goes on in my heart, they won't love me anymore or want to be around me. So this makes vulnerability a very scary thing for me. Not really sure what to do with all of this yet, but I guess the first step is realizing the problem. God is just doing a lot in me and its good. 

Also learning patience in my desires. God knows the things that my heart desires and he will fulfill them in HIS way, in HIS time, not mine. I need to trust that. I want to be single-mindedly focused on Him and the things that He wants for me. 

Also have been fully overwhelmed by the gospel and the cross lately. So amazing to think of what he did for me. That I could live with Him in eternity. All for His glory...have been reading and working to memorize Isaiah 53 with my housemates. Its such a powerful passage. Its overwhelming to think about what He did for us...